To be clear, she is not an instructor at my university. I still think that social dynamic is ridiculously hot, though.
Here is little background on what is going on. We met on a dating app, got food at a bar, and walked around town. That first date went very well with a long, slow kiss at the end. The kiss was initiated by me after realizing she was looking straight into my eyes for several straight seconds, less than a foot away from my face with a smile on her lips, and reciprocated enthusiastically by herself.
We met up the very next weekend, and she invited me back to her place. Fireworks are flying off in my head, and it was completely justified. I had, by far, the most sensual, intimate, caring, loving(?) sexual encounter I have ever had in my entire life.
We're meeting up again six days later, AKA this Saturday. I feel like I'm out of my league. It's so hot. We've been texting each other every day since then saying we can't wait to kiss one another.
Parallel to the immense joy I feel is also nervousness and fear. I'm 23 years old working on my undergrad at a state school - she's 31 and teaches at a prestigious private university. I am both ridiculously attracted to her because of that dynamic and also somewhat, AKA very, insecure about my own status.
In many ways, I still feel like an adolescent or a teenager. I am not financially independent from my family yet - hence why I am working my ass off at my current internship to get work experience, finishing up my undergrad, and saving up the largest sum of money I have ever owned to GTFO my parents' house.
Can you feel the defensiveness creeping up in this post? I can. I don't like it and want to get rid of it. I have enough social awareness to understand how deeply unattractive insecurity is and must crush every atom of it out of my being so I can continue to be with this amazing woman.
That is one issue I would like advice on. The second one is much more sensitive and must be handled with the utmost care, tenderness, and respect.
We were excited to try penetrative sex, but we stopped immediately when it was clear that it was physically painful for her. We did many other things that were wonderful. When we were cuddling and she was stroking my face, she told me how she has been told for years by her "friends" (quotations added by me) that sex would be painful, and that was what to expect. She has not been with many other people. I was not aware of this until she told me when we were cuddling. I experienced a cauldron of very intense emotions, ranging from sadness that people have been telling her sex was a painful experience, to whatever word there is for wanting to hold someone and never let go. One factor for this is that she is an immigrant from a socially conservative country where compared to where I am in in the United States, women are not as open about their sexuality.
I am unsure as to whether or not our relationship will be a thing for the future, but for this moment in time where I am with her, I want to help her. I have talked with Planned Parenthood and a nurse. They said a couple of things - pain during sex can be caused by a multitude of things, ranging from physiological to psychological. A medical professional should be consulted in person by her. I can also talk to her like a human being and make her as comfortable as possible when we're together.
My guess for why I am writing this post is that I want a gut check by this community to make sure that I am thinking clearly and handling this whole thing with the respect it deserves. That and if there's anyone out there who has experience with dating a woman older than them - hopefully similar to the dynamic there is between a 23 year old M and a 31 year old F - please let me know and or provide resources that would be a good reference.