I had a fucking revelation recently that changes the whole way I look at relationships. I realised it this week wednesday and since then every interaction I've had while keeping this in mind (whether with random people at the grocery store, the checkout lady the mailman, random cute girls in the book store) has gone sooooooo much better.
I have absolutely no inhibition about talking to new people. Not only that I'm excited to talk to new people no matter how bitchy they might seem.
Everyone of us on this site has been going at it all wrong. I was going at it ass backwards this whole time. I read books, I listened to dating coaches with their strategies and advice. I tried to figure out patterns and memorase systems and routines. All that shit is so complicated. Most of all, its manipulative. You cannot be your genuine self if you're always in your head trying to remember what to do next.
Thing about this word is that the answer was there the whole time.
Relationships are about just that, "relating". When you relate with someone, none of that other shit matters. Not your looks, not your clothes, not your confidence, money, social status. NONE of it. They are all just tools that help other people relate to you. They look at you and they try to find something about you that they can relate with. As long as you relate with that person and the connection is made. You both understand each other.
eg.1 You come to the club dressed like a sharp good looking man because girls relate to the image that you're presenting. They are better able to understand you because appear to be someone that they would be interested in.
eg.2 you talk to a girl and you get to know about her family and you tell her about your family being the same way, she instantly relates to you and is just that more connected with out.
Believe it or not all girls get horny. Most girls love sex. They just want it with someone who understands her sexual needs and desires. When you can relate to a girl and she knows that its ok to express her sexual side with you then she will have no hesitation about sleeping with you or even beginning a longer term relationship with you if thats what you both want.
To be intimate with a girl you must relate to her physically, emotionally and sexually.
All the conversation, flirting, sex, etc are results of relation. Trying to focus on that first is like putting your pants on before your underwear. You dont need all kinds of PUA bullshit. Still try to learn tips about how to improve your conversations but your foundation should be about relating with someone.
To become good at anything you have to relate to it. It is the foundation of connection to all things in the universe. All things already relate to each other to exist in the universe. Darkness is nothing without light, happiness is nothing without sadness, rain is nothing without sunshine. Everything is connected. It is up to us to understand that connection.
Relating to anything in life whether school, job, sports, communication and connection comes down to 2 things:
- Deep Understanding
- Honest Self-expression
Let me explain briefly without writing an essay.
Before you relate to something, you must first understand it, and to understand you must first connect yourself with it. You learn not by memorizing information before hand. Understanding is about discovering information for yourself and seeing how it works, then translating that knowledge to terms that you understand.
With people and of course women, its about empathy. Getting out of your head and taking the time to feel what they feel, think how they think, seeing the world though their eyes in that very moment. Understanding requires concentration, and presence of mind. Conversations are too fluid to be trying to memorise lines and routines.
Anxiety comes from the fear of the unknown, but fear becomes non existent when one understands the object that gives them anxiety. What is the difference between a friend and a stranger? Familiarity, which in turn is a result of understanding.
Your attempt to understand takes care of all the conversation issues because the other person has all the information that you need. all you have to do is ask. This thing about don't think just act to beat your fear is also bullshit. Take a second before you talk to analyse your environment and try to empathise with the person within it. Stop thinking about yourself !!
Understanding takes time to get good at. its going to need some practice to get in habit and get your thought process in the right place. but its something you can start right now and implement tomorrow. you don't need all kinds of PUA bullshit. Still use
Honest self expression
You MUST express yourself without filters. Confidence is our natural state. Self doubt and anxiety are learned behavior. These are barriers to self expression. Honesty in the way we express ourselves is how the world outside of ourselves relate with us. We apply ourselves so that we fit perfectly with that exact moment. Self expression with understand is ineffective. Understanding is the input and expression is the output. Our minds and bodies are the machine that processes this information.
The opposite of relation is manipulation. Relation is like being in a river and letting the current carry you. Manipulation is like a damn that forces the water back and tell it where to go. It blocks the river from flowing freely. Manipulation is what PUAs teach. Thats why its so hard to follow their advice. How is it possible that a PUAs teachings can ever be out of date? Why are their so many different ways of doing things? why are there so many terms and labels. It is all limiting and confining and prevents honest self expression and understanding in the moment. I have transcended their bullshit. Everyday this week I've had either a great conversation with a cute strangers who were all very excited to speak to me and I with them. its so much more rewarding to relate to a woman rather than trying to manipulate. you have been on this earth long enough and talked to enough people that you already know how to talk to people without fear. And if you are having trouble still then what you lack is understanding (i.e.) you dont come with understanding before hand. you come with a blank slate and you fill it by connecting yourself with someone else's experience. and you express yourself so that they can connect with your as well.
I might not have explained myself in a way that people will immediately understand, and some people on this site are just too stuck in their ways to benefit. but i hope it enlightens at least one person.
If you get brain damage and forget everything, all you need to remember that all knowledge is about relating yourself with the things outside of yourself.