"I can't tell you how much more my life,mood and importantly outlook on life has improved. I really have stopped caring about her."
So first shout to out all SEALs! ty! And this is only for people who want to a better life.
So I was dating an amazing woman for just almost two years, but by the end of our relationship we were basically fighting every other day. I wasn't sure what was happening, I would basically bend over backwards to please her and spend time with her. Then when ever we actually got together we would start to argue within 10 mins, then not talk to each for a few days, have make-up sex and then repeat the entire cycle over again.
She eventually broke up with me. And I had been heart broken over her for since then till a few days ago.
The night of:
So last week, after months of therapy, exercise and self-improvement, I went with some of my co-workers for happy hour. 20 mins later she came in, and I went up and talked to her, since even though I was feeling better and started to get over her, I still had feeling for her. We talked and settled on planning to hang out at this party downtown. We started to call each other again, and then she started to be very wishy-washy/maybeish about coming to the party.
I had the fortune of finding a book about the Navy SEALs that basically said, that having a high standard in life, means you have to do the things that suck. Hence, embrace the suck. It sort of struck me just how I had been bringing down my own standards to please my ex-gf. I would accept her name calling of me. I would tolerate being cancelled upon, I would accept not having my calls and texts being ignored/not returned. I had grown to accept that my day should revolve around her and her needs. I had grown to accept her drug use and had started to use them, so I could be with her and she would like me. (I am fully clean and sober since the break up.) All of that was my fault, it was me who was accepting all of that behavior, and not standing up for myself, having the confidence in knowing that I could be better by not tolerating negative behavior.
So on my home I was planning on calling her to tell that I don't think we should be friends/meet-up/call or anything every again. Since I think that by simply agreeing to her wishy-washy/maybish behavior, and her still current drug use, I would basically be accepting her behavior and fall into old patterns.
However things didn't go as planned: since I ran into her on my way to the metro stop.
Instead of being a coward, i told her then and there that we should not see each other and that this was going to be the last time we would see each other.
Well she pretty much just lost it. First by starting to slap me, then naming calling. All of this was in the downtown business district metro, so I'm sure there is a video somewhere. But I didn't say anything or even fight back. I just walked up the stairs and grabbed a taxi home.
I can't tell you how much more my life/mood and importantly outlook on life has improved. I have really stopped caring about her. I still remember the great moments we had together, like waking up next to her and having breakfast.
But it was amazing to see her for what she really was, how the smallest and simplest 'no' set her off into being a horrible abusive person.
I really do pray for her and her soul. That one day she will be over her addiction, that she will be happy and find a man who she can have a deep relationship with. But that won't be with me, and I am glad since I should be more confident and not let people take advantage of me. I should not tolerate other people's abuse, just to ensure that they are happy, like me, and that they will not leave me. I have to learn how to be happy and not depend on her to make me happy.
So if you can relate to any part of this, just understand that you are not alone. Many people are in the same situation. And it is scary to say no and leave. But if you don't do something different, then you will end up like I did when I was with her, a self-concussion, scared, anxious drug addict.
You shouldn't demand higher standards of others.
Rather you should demand more from yourself. You should know that can be better, and yes, there will be shitty thing you have to do. But you have to do the things that suck if you want to have a better life.
People who have higher standards of themselves are often the most valued people in the world, they are the ones people look to for leadership and guidance. So understand that having a better life also means you can give a better life to people, and also not have to deal with people's crap.
I've started to purge my list of fake friends, and I am happier knowing that there are real people I can depend on in my life.