I have a crush on a colleague of mine and I can't decode her

[cristixxxlog]

Hello

Can you guys help me a bit on the "problem" I have with a colleague of mine?
I am a married man (with 2 kids) and she has a relationship of about 8 years. More than this, I am her team lead. She is my coleague for the last 3 years, yet lately I started to have a crush on her.
She is a type of girl a bit more touchy than normal , so there is also a problem of accurately interpreting her gestures when it comes to touching.
We get along great, she is a bit more close (mentally) to me than with the rest of the people. Given that she is more touchy than normal girls some touches I tend to ignore but some seem a bit more than with others:

• where with some is just a touch to make a point or to conclude a discussion with me is a short discrete brush also or a more pronounced touch (lasting maybe a moment longer).

  • every time we walk side-by-side we constantly touch/bump into eachother (which did not notice doing with other guys). Sometimes I do it on purpose, sometimes she does it. Neither is bothered by this and we could walk like this alk day. I "accidentally" touch her leg/hand/ass and she doesn't get bothered about it.

  • allmost every time she comes to my office (open space) she puts her body in touch with mine, like resting it on my hand/arm/shoulder sometimes for a second, sometimes more.

  • Recently we went into teambuilding and at the end of the night, after the party, at some outside tables (with other coleagues around) she first sat on the arm of my chair (and I constantly kept my hand briefly touching her leg) and after some short time she sat on the same chair as me, in my lap (although other chairs and bench was available) . I grabbed her over the shoulder and sat like that for more than an hour. She constantly rested her head on my chest. I did not do anything then because of the fact I am her team lead and other managers where around and it would have been extremely unappropiate. Unfortunately it did not crossed my mind to have a walk together - how stupid of me...

  • looking at her legs they are almost always pointing at me (much of the time at least one to me). A lot of times when she has her legs crossed I see her ground shoe with the tip raised and pointed to me (sometimes also with the one hanging), and moving it up and down. Other times she just streches her legs in my direction and allmost everytime are moments when our feet are touching.

  • sometimes when she stands right next to me I cross one leg in a triangular position (with the lower of the leg parallel to my body) with my knee pointed to her and slightly in her private space and many times she starts touching it often with her entire palm to conclude an ideea or prove a point.

  • hair playing is something I cannot decipher, she does that a lot with everyone, male or female. Mayne I need to look at the intensity or whatever...

Now from my part of the play, I am mostly:
- teasing a lot. She playfully gets "angry" or "upset" every time. Sometimes just verbaly, sometimes a "hit" in the shoulder/arm/leg. I am always trying to playfully "pick" on her for whatever reason. She never got seriously upset and looks like she enjoys being teased everytime.
- I am looking to touch her all the time I am in her proximity. Either to prove a point in a discusion (like she does)on her arm/leg/whatever, guide her to a place with my hand on her lower back etc and I am making sure I do this 90% just with her.

What I lack at doing:

• Flirty eye gazing: we are a bigger group that enjoys eating/smoking together and flirty eye gaze is the first thing anyone will notice because will be too obvious. So I tend to stop myself in doing this (although I know is a strong weapon, especially since I have green eyes).

• Flirty smile: same reasons as above. I do smile a lot but no special/trully smile for her.

• did not manage yet to deliver a strong and confident compliment to clearly convey my interest sexually. Our relashion is quite permissive and she will definetely not be upset even if I directly tell her "you're sexy today". Whenever she arrives and it would be the perfect time to deliver it we are never alone and a strong compliment will surely be picked up by everyone else. Sometimes in the past we were meeting in the parking lot but recently we did not manage to do that anymore.

So does this look like she has interest in me?
What should I do more? This is a very bad situation because I know that being her manager I should never do these things. But the crush is big and I am desperate to bang her.

At the same time I do not favour her and we are all friends and I am not behaving with neither as a boss. My goal is for her to be my FB and confident. Nothing more. Also I need to do anything perfectly otherwise I might blow everything up and lose her also as a friend and work-force.

Thank you in advance for your advice.

[Joshua]

I personally don't think you should cheat on your wife. If your wife finds out, you could lose big time. She could divorce you. She could keep the house, car, kids, etc. If that happens, your kids probably will be super upset with you too. Especially if they are girls. They will see that as a personal slight. They may even refuse to speak to you/be with you for a while.

You also could lose your job. Some companies will fire people for having affairs. Worst case scenario, this could end really really badly.

You probably married your wife, because she used to make you feel all buddly and tingly! You probably told her that you would always be faithful. She probably make the same commitment.

That said, my personal recommendation is that you find out how to be more satisfied with the wife and family that you have. There are marital councilors available. Many are free. I call them pastors. There are books a plenty: Crucial Conversations, Men are from Mars and women are from Venus, the 5 love languages.

Something you could try this month: Do 5 extra things to show your wife you love her. Find out what her love language is and do many of those things. Commit to loving your life like your life depends on it for a month. If at the end of that month, you don't see any improvement, then you can talk to your wife about having more sexual partners or a divorce. But at least you tried.