So I talked to one of my gal pals (a girl I'm obviously not interested in) if she would be my wing girl for an afternoon to help me spot upperclassmen to hit on. It should be pretty fun. haha
So this past weekend a friend came from a southern state to visit me and some of her midwestern friends. I'm not interested in long distance relationships, so naturally I wasn't flirting with my speech, but I was flirting with my body language. Essentially I did things with her that I wouldn't do with a guy.
- I touched her wrist and told her I wasn't disappointed that she arrived late.
- I purposely and lingeringly touched her for minutes at a time. I think I read on www.improveyoursocialskills.com, that this can make someone more comfortable with you. For example, I let our legs touch under the table while we were talking.
- I tried to show her how to ripstick a little bit. In order to do this, you've gotta hold hands. Bingo!
- I read her a page from a book and sat really close to her so that our legs were touching.
At the end of the weekend I reminded her that I'm not interested in a long distance relationship, but if she went to Purdue I would try to date her. So she knows the distance between us is the only thing keeping me from trying to date her. Also, I probably shouldn't have done some of those semi-flirty things above. She's just an awesome gal, and I wish she went to my school. But oh well (Also I told her about this website, so let's hope she doesn't read this post!)
So does anyone have suggestions on how to be just friends with a gal? Is it possible? Or is it likely that I'll hurt her in some way?
More girl updates: I met a girl at a make-your-own-sushi-night, that we will call HOLY-CRAP-YOU-ARE-FINE! or (YAF for short). She's from China, and she doesn't speak English as well as I would like, but she seemed interested in getting to know me. So I grabbed her number and texted her yesterday,
Would you like to throw a frisbee with me this coming Saturday afternoon at 2pm? It'll be pretty fun!
She texted back with (and try not to judge the incorrect grammar too harshly)
I just wake up. Happy Labor Day :) I don't think I would go, because next Saturday is my friend's birthday.
Still not deterred, I responded with,
That's ok. I hope it's a good birthday! Would you like to go for a short walk Thursday afternoon at 5pm?
She got back to me with
Okay. Just us?
Since it's still too early in the morning for me to respond, I will at some point send,
Yeah, just us. I don't want to share you with anyone else. :D We'll meet up at 5pm at the *spot on campus* and go on our date/walk. Sound good?
What she doesn't know, is that on Thursday afternoon, there will be free hot air balloon rides!
I've also texted Victoria to see if she wants to meet up this week. I haven't heard back yet.
Another juicy story:
I went to see some Dunes this weekend with some friends (tip: If you ever get the opportunity to hang out with a pretty girl at the beach, don't miss the opportunity). Three of the people that came were new students that I had not met. The girl that you need to be concerned with I shall name Paige. Paige is a transfer sophomore student, and she has a pretty awesome personality. I showed her a weird looking rock that I found, and she spent the rest of the day collecting rocks for me. #entertainedeasily
She really didn't show up on my radar (aka I didn't think she was cute) until we nicknamed a superman fan "Clark" or "Kent". Then she requested that she receive a nickname. I made the mistake of saying,
How about Bella?
You could be a pale vampire-wanna be.
She did not like this. Note to self: do not call a girl pale. Note to the reader: I'm still a goof ball, and I make mistakes just as much as you, if not more.
Clark Kent tried to save me,
Maybe he means that you are easy to spot from far away. Your beauty is just hard not to notice.
When she didn't buy it, Clark said,
Sorry bro. I tried.
What was cool about this whole situation, is that Paige very quickly forgave my faux pas, which is a social blunder. As we followed our friends further down to shore, she stuck right by me the whole time, and we had a near private conversation:
So, if I'm going to give you a nickname, I need to know more about yourself.
Well, I'm a transfer student from Ivy Tech. I'm majoring in Visual Graphic Communication, which is apparently like Graphic Design, and I scrapbook.
Ok, how about I call you Paige? It sounds like page. Since you scrapbook, it'll work well.
She seemed ok with it, so Paige it was. When we caught up to our friends, my pal Confident-Boy/Ladies-Man, got out his spray tan lotion. He offered to help apply it on Paige, and he went OVERBOARD! She looked white before, but when he was done spraying lotion on her back, white lotion clouds hovered down and around her back!
I thought, This is a great time to break the touch barrier! So I said,
Here, let me help you apply that.
Then I started rubbing lotion on a pretty girl's back. The little boy inside me jumped to the moon and back!
When I was done, she turned to face me, and I noticed that her face was acne free. Very pale, which I found very cute, and super pretty. So I said,
You have a really good complexion.
I felt, super embarrassed that I just said that. I'm assuming she's going to see that I'm hitting on her, but it did not turn into a bad situation, because she said,
See, you are a really nice guy. Unlike Confident-Boy/Ladies-Man!
We played volleyball, and the whole time I tried talking to her, giving her a high-5 when she did something right, and doing my best to make her feel comfortable around me.
Later on, I went to use the restroom, and when I came back, Paige and nearly everyone else was sitting with their legs just resting in the water. I noticed that Paige was surrounded by two boys. One was Confident-Boy/Ladies-Man and another dude we'll call Soups. Both are probably trying to flirt with Paige, but I got a little more to the point before they did! Here's what I did:
When Soups moved to go catch the football, I stole his seat and sat down close to Paige. Then Leader-Boy suggested that we take a picture. We all sat super close, nearly touching the person on our left and right, to take a picture. When the picture was done, I didn't move away from Paige, but kept sitting super close to her. Again, if you can casually break a girl's bubble space, and she seems ok with it, don't back away. I'm getting this idea partially from http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com/body-language/comfort-field-guide this page. Go read the first paragraph if you are interested.
As we talked, she shared some pretty intimate details about her past. When Confident-Boy/Ladies-Man noticed that Paige seemed to be more interested in talking to me, he left to go play some football. (Also a good point, if a girl is more talkative to someone else, it's ok to leave. You can still be a ladies man if you walk away).
As she told me more details of her past, I put my left leg over my right, our thighs were just barely touching. She didn't move away but kept talking. #breakingthebubblebarrier At some point, I wiped some sand off her legs to further break the bubble barrier. When she was finished I shared 2 of my most embarrassing stories to return the favor. She thought they were really funny.
I then told her about the hot air balloon rides this coming Thursday. I asked if she would like to go with me. She said,
I'm just looking for friends.
Still not losing hope, I pressed a little,
Well to be honest, I think you're super cute. I realize I just met you, but if you just wanna be friends, that's ok.
In hindsight, I probably should have said something like,
I'm not asking you to date me. I want some alone time with you, and a hot air balloon ride would be super fun.
@Nick has an article about this somewhere (I spent 5 minutes looking for it, and couldn't find it). Essentially, when you try to make a move on a girl, and she gives you a weak no or a weak maybe, you should not immediately apologize or back off. Try one more time. Say something like
- I'm just talking about getting some tasty food.
- Do you not like lots of fun with a fun guy like me?
- It's your call, but you might miss out if you say no.
If she answers with a more firm 'no', back off. Try again a little later.
Anyway, she didn't say yes. But later on, when I gave her a high 5 for climbing onto a people pyramid, our high 5 turned into 2 seconds of us holding hands. And she let go after I did! AKA she wanted me to linger in touching her.
So with Paige, I'll probably keep flirting. Ask her out again in a week. If I get another more firm, "I just want to be your friend." say something like,
I want to be your friend too. I'd also just like us to hang out, without anyone else. I don't want to share you with anyone else. :)
If she still says no, but still responds well to me touching her, then I'll back off. I'll keep flirting with her, and I'll try again in a month or two.