It's been a while since I've written here, but I have some cool updates! The last couple of weeks I got about 20+ girls numbers. The downside of it was that I did not go on a date with any of them. Each week, I had 10 girls numbers, and I texted all of them to go out. I actually started inviting 3 or 4 girls to the same event at the same time, because odds were only one would show up. BUT none of them actually went on a date with me.
One of two of them had really enthusiastic personalities and appeared happy and excited to see me again. I asked those girls out 3 times in a row. Each time they couldn't make it. So I texted them,
I don't seem to have any luck finding a time that works for you and me. How about you pick the next time we meet up?
I didn't hear from them again. So I take it they weren't really interested.
I also wonder if I would have had better results if I had called them and asked them out and not just texted them.
Last week, I tried a little bit less. I didn't try to get any more numbers. I figured since 20+ girls turned into no dates, then maybe I'm going about it a little wrong. I'll try investing in myself more. And meet girls via my social network. I actually decided to try to have a strong work week. So I got up early. Went to bed early. Wrote down all the things that were on my mind. And each day a made a todo list. I did my best to cross out each item on the todo list. I struggled with being a perfectionist, and a little bit of drama in my Christian club, but it was a really good week. I want to carry what I learned in that week into this week and the one after it...
Here's the upshot of all of that. I now have two new wing men. I just need to tell them when I'm going to practice hitting on girls, and they will meet me. I also have a new girl pal. We text back and forth every other day or two. Though I have not been able to physically hang out with her. Recently, she's turned down all opportunites of hanging.
Last week, when I was trying to have a very productive week (with the main goal of getting a part time job), I was invited to a local church dinner. I went, and I noticed one of the cuter girls there. I intentionally reserved myself. I was not the life of the party. I did not try to talk all the time. I tried to relax and tell myself that I don't have to try to get these people to like me. They will probably think I'm an ok person, even if I'm not Robin Williams. And it kind of worked.
I actually came accross as very confident and very manly. I noticed most of the people that I started talking to showed signs of nervousness. They swallowed for example. When I saw this happen, I tried to show some body language that made them see that I'm not all that confident, and they appeared to be more comfortable around me after that.
I noticed this one cute girl that we'll call Abbi. I noticed Abbi seemed to be rather eager for me to introduce myself. I went over to her table with some of the friends that I had brought. I didn't try to get her attention. I didn't try to start talking to her. I just started to talk to my friend. Then we started playing a board game. About halfway through the board game I was beating myself up.
You're not making her laugh.
You're not the life of the party.
She doesn't like you, and it's your fault.
These thoughts were so wrong. Sure, normally when I meet a girl I make her laugh more often. But that is because I try to fill in the gaps in the conversation all the time. They generally see that as a lack of confidence and a bit of nervousness and fear. Just by not talking as much, and not worrying about it, the other people hastened to fill in the gaps in the conversation. And even if I don't get a girlfriend out of going to this church group, I can always do with a few more friends.
Anyway, I was struggling with these negative thoughts all throughout the board game. I did make some ok eye-contact with Abbi. I had one or two direct short conversations with her while we were playing this game. At some point I realized that I was becoming an interviewer, and I stopped asking her questions. This was when I was certain she was not interested, and coming to this Christian club was a waste of time.
About halfway through the game, someone said they were going outside to play some frisbee. And I jumped at the opportunity! I put my cards down and followed him outside without saying see you later to the people I was playing with.
I had a bit of fun with the frisbee crowd, but I soon realized that Abbi had not come outside.
Maybe I can talk to her, if I go inside.
So I did.
And sure enough, she was sitting by herself with her phone.
YES! I thought! I can go talk to the cute girl!
Just then one of the leaders asked me,
Hey Josh, I'm Tom. How did you hear about this group?
Dang it man. I have this awesome chance to go talk to Abbi. Don't ruin it for me.
But I said,
Oh, I met Mickey and Martey a week ago and they invited me.
And I regretfully let Abbi sit alone while I went and talked to the leaders of the group. I chatted with them for quite a bit. Talked about my walk with Jesus. And when I graduated college, etc. At some point I was just talking to one girl. Then Abbi came and sat down with us. She went out of her way to join me.
I tried to shift the conversation so that I was talking to Abbi more than this other girl, but I couldn't seem to do it. Maybe the other girl was too talkative. Maybe Abbi was too shy, etc. Anyway, Abbi left. And I kept talking to this other girl. A little bit later Abbi came and joined us again! That's the second time she's come over to talk to me.
Hey Abbi! Good to see you again!
She sat down and I tried to get her to join in the conversation a bit more. We started talking about our favorite bible verses. I had a little bit of trouble remembering how mine started. I was somehow able to stall for a bit. Maybe they noticed my hesitation maybe they didn't. But I read Romans 8:38-39
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels nor demons, nor the present nor the future, neither powers above nor powers below, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creating will be able to seperate us from the Love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. I love that verse. There is nothing that I did today that made God love me less, and there is nothing that I can do tomorrow that will make God love me more. It fills me with hope.
Then I leaned over to Abbi and tapped her arm (making contact), what is your favorite verse? She mentioned a Psalm...Something about light and the moon and shadows...I really should have tried to remember that one a bit more. That may not make me look so good later on.
I also noticed during this conversation that Abbi had started playing with her hair! When a girl plays with their hair, it is generally because they want to show off their good looks. They are usually doing it, because they want a guy to notice them. I was the only guy in this conversation! She is probably playing with her hair, because she's attracted to me. At some point, Abbi left, but was sure to wave goodbye to me. I made sure to make good eye contact and return her wave when she did.
I could be seeing things, and I really don't know if this girl likes me or not, but I am going to pursue her. And keep working harder.