The first time I ever went out with Nick (and the first time I went out to a bar period) was memorable. Will be 2 years ago now (in a few months)
Besides being surprised at how dashingly handsome he was in person (it's true), the night was just a ton of fun, and talking to girls in a bar wasn't nearly as intimidating as I thought it would be. Just a short burst of nervousness while frantically smiling, and then you were in a conversation.
"This place isn't looking ideal, we should probably think about going to another bar." Nick says to me as we look around our third bar.
"What about that group of girls over there?" I ask him.
There were 3 girls sitting at the bar, all of them facing away from us. (usually just means they're there to have a good time).
"Yeah sure man, why not? They're really hot, but you should still go for it. Don't be nervous" Nick says back to me encouragingly.
I walk up, and tapped the girl twice on her left shoulder (the only one that was sticking out). She was wearing something black and sheer I remember. "Hey, you guys looked fun, and I wanted to say hi!"
I ended up talking to the girl for an hour. And then halfheartedly offering to walk her home when she felt sick from drinking. @Nick even managed to convince her friends that if we wanted to go home together, then we should do so. And she actually was really cute from what I remember. I came back to him at the end of the night and said "Well that was fun. I don't think she was really into me though..." He looked at me in disbelief and said "Mike...she just spent more than an hour talking to a stranger at a bar, as one of her best friends was celebrating her birthday. Of course she liked you!"
I never ended up meeting up with her again. We texted a little, with me sending a little bit wonky texts, and her being busy with exams, and then I think one of the holiday breaks came around.
But the lesson from that night has stuck out to me as one of the most important things that I could learn from dating. In my opinion, there's now two things that will ensure that I have a dating life that I'm really happy with, and get to date girls that I find attractive.
1) Have the social awareness to recognize what type of girl she is, and how interested she is in you.
2) Have the gumption to act on it.
Yesterday, when I started this post, I was grabbing a coffee after the morning meetings (our office coffee machine broke down, and everyone was grumpy). I started a bit of small talk with this dude with an afro that I'd seen around the downtown area a few times. I then spotted an asian girl, fairly attractive, swiping her phone into one of those cash register things to pay for her coffee.
Old me would have tried to say something witty like "Haha woah we have a serious customer here." or maybe something forward like "Hey, what's up? You're cute and i wanted to say hi."
Instead I said, "uh hey.... did you just swipe your phone in the cash register?" She perked up and was like yeah! And explained the whole process of how it worked to me. (I realized I kind of knew already) And she probably knew I knew too, but insisted on explaining the whole thing. Pretty strong sign of interest. Another girl popped up out of nowhere, and chimed in with a hi. Now both of them were smiling at me, looking enthusiastic.
"Soooo where are you from?" the new girl asked.
"Uhh Boston.... I moved here for work"
"Oh cool! We're nursing students"
"Oh, do you go to that...nursing school?"
"Yeah! it's like two blocks away. What brought you here to Denver?"
At this point, I feel like I'm getting chatted up haha and like they're the ones trying to get my number, not the other way around. I'm not quite nervous, but I'm a little flustered. I look at the counter, and say "uhhh one of those has gotta be mine"
The asian girl walks to the counter without me asking, and she helps me look. We talk a little about my coffee (java chip, grande, 400 calories wince). A little part of me is whispering "Hey, this is random but lemme grab your number! We can meet up downtown sometime maybe next week."
I pause, while still thinking. Can anyone hear us? (No). What if her friend judges me? (Her friend loves me). What if she says no? (she'll probably say yes).
I pause again ".....Well maybe I"ll see you guys around!" (I'll ask her out for sure next time I think).
Was I a little annoyed at myself? Yeah sure. I was interested in a girl, but didn't let it show. I could have gotten her number and tried to make a connection later, and didn't do that. But overall, it was just a good experience showing me that I'm a lot more perceptive than I used to be. But observing ALL the things isn't that useful unless you also have the gumption to act on it.
So yesterday, I went out with some guys in the area that I'd hung out with when I first moved here. It was nerve wracking, I didn't make any great connections, but I did it, and I didn't explode or die.
I'm going out again tonight, and then spending the rest of the weekend working on my project. If I make any great connections, or learn any lessons, I might share them here.
Till then, peace out