Hello all! I am pleased and excited to start a progress journal. Because that means, well, progress! I went on my second ever date this week and received my first ever rejection. It has been quite the experience, but I'm fired up and eager to keep improving. There is no way I would have gotten even to this point without Nick's advice and the inspiration from his site and this forum. Hopefully I will be adding more to this journal as time goes on.
A few quick things about myself. I am 24 years old. I grew up in a very religious family, quite sheltered, and was very socially awkward throughout high school and early adulthood. I also have some medical issues that make me look much younger than I am, and I am also quite short at 5'4". Sex was something that was taboo growing up. My family never talked about it and pretty much pretended it didn't exist and/or was dirty, except for in marriage. All of these things combined have made it difficult for me to make progress throughout my early adult life.
About two years ago I began reading about how to talk to girls and dating in general and stumbled across Nick's site. Just the thought of talking to girls terrified me (and still does to a point), much less flirting, having sexual conversation, or going all the way to sex. Moving out and spending a few years on my own has helped me greatly and allowed me to see what the 'real' world is like outside of a sheltered upbringing. I am no longer a religious person, and it took a long time for that not to bother me. But it has also freed me to pursue 'normal' things in life. I have always been relatively fit, and have recently begun to improve my fashion sense, which has resulted in a noticeable improvement in my self-esteem.
I went on my first ever date just a few weeks ago via Tinder. To summarize, it was a good date, but I couldn't bring myself to touch her or flirt much. I was so nervous. Honestly just being on a date was amazing and I was happy just to have made it that far. I didn't push it. Afterwards, I texted her and told her I enjoyed our date, but that I didn't think we really connected. She never responded. Looking back, I probably should have pushed for a second date and tried to push things further, but oh well. It was certainly a positive learning experience and big step for me. You can read more about my first date in my previous post here: http://discuss.nicknotas.com/t/first-date-ever-the-good-and-the-bad/1107
THE SECOND DATE
So my second ever date is interesting. First of all, this girl reached out to me, not vice versa...I know, right? I am very outdoorsy and also a nature photographer, and she contacted me through Facebook saying she admired my work and would love to join me on an 'adventure' sometime. This was a bit odd as I couldn't tell if she was interested in me personally, or simply wanted to be friends and truly join in on a trip sometime. She began liking photos of mine and sending me private messages and we made casual banter over a few days. The very definition of 'mixed signals'. My instincts said that this wouldn't be happening if she wasn't truly interested in some way. I made some flirty comments and she responded well to them. So I mustered up the courage and suggested we meet for coffee to continue talking in person. She said yes, and I took the initiative and suggested a place and time. We made plans.
I met up with her at the coffee shop and we sat down. I was nervous, but I deliberately moved my chair to a ninety degree angle from her, rather than across from her, so that we could be closer. When I greeted her previously, I had put my hand on the small of her back to guide her to initiate touch, although very briefly. Once we sat down, I had every intention to continue escalating with touch, but it didn't happen. Very much like my first date. I couldn't bring myself to do anything in a way that seemed natural. Plus, I was still in this state of not knowing whether or not she was truly interested. I know I would have gotten the answer had I escalated, but I never spotted any opportunities and it just would have felt awkward or forced had I tried anything.
Nonetheless, we had a very pleasant conversation for over two hours. We talked about the usual stuff. Work, family, places we'd lived, and spending time in the outdoors. We actually do have a lot in common. She is a very good conversationalist and spent the majority of the time talking. I tried to look for hook points to make flirty banter and got a few small quips in, but not many. Still no touch, and the longer I waited, the more forced it felt to begin, much less go for a kiss.
We finished our 'date' and other than not escalating, I felt like it went very well. We talked for a few minutes outside, and then I walked her to her car. We hugged and said goodbye.
I followed up that night saying I enjoyed our evening, and we again talked about her joining me on an outdoor trip sometime. She initiated a text conversation the next day, and we continued to exchange messages, me trying to get in a flirty comment here and there. At this point, because I didn't escalate on the first date, I still didn't know for sure if she just wanted to be friends or something more. After two days of casual conversation, I decided to just come out and state my intentions. I knew dragging it out for too long wouldn't be good. If she responded well, alright, nothing lost. If not, then no big deal either, since we had only just met.
I sent her a message saying how I really enjoyed our conversation that night. I told her several things I admired about her including her ambition and how beautiful she was. I then asked if she wanted to meet up for a second date.
She responded saying that she thought I was awesome as well, but that she wasn't looking for a relationship or to hook up at that point in time, and that she likes to get to know someone really well before being in a relationship. This felt odd to me as our conversations before seemed to indicate more than just friendship, especially considering it was an attractive girl contacting a guy about joining on 'adventures'. She asked if I would be okay with us just being friends. I told her absolutely, and thanked her for being honest.
So all in all, my first ever rejection, but it really could not have gone better. I would not consider this being friendzoned, since I had the balls to state my intentions and attempt to take things further when I was unsure about what she wanted, even if it was after the first date. And, she really does seem like she would be a good friend. I'm sure there are still good times ahead.
Just going out on several dates now has improved my confidence greatly. I am excited to keep improving and pushing things forward with the women I meet. My next big goals are to do my first cold approach, as well as escalate with touch during a date. I am leaps and bounds ahead of where I was, and I'm sure it will only get better. Thanks for listening. Cheers!