Hello,
My ex and I had been in a relationship for almost 3 years and it just ended badly, in ways I am still finding ways to cope with the fact.
We knew each other when both were 19 years old, the circumstance was also a factor, since we were studying abroad in a small town in Finland, coming from the same country, it was easy for us to have some sort of a connection.
I can admit, it was kind of a mistake of both us, because I would eventually leaving Finland for somewhere due to family and personal reason, however, it was not the case for her and Finland was the only option. Despite that, we put away this invisible but eventual fact away since at that time, we thought we would still have time to deal with it later.
For me, she was my first in everything, however, to her I am only her first long term relationship, all her previous were much of a having fun sort of things. Therefore, I can say somehow, after this relationship, I could say I am the one got hurt the most.
For her, I had given up some of my plans, in hope that our relationship, through time would be more strong, so even when I left Finland, there maybe some sort of long distance, even if would not workout, at least we tried.
As time gone, the fact that I would leave Finland was coming fast, and at the last when all hopes seemed to vanish, there was a "way" that we can still go together, and we had been prepared for a year for that plan, but eventually, it did not work out as planned.
Since that event, her feeling for me seemed to die rapidly, however, as we had been living with each other for nearly 3 years, it was kind of a familiar feeling that she always had someone waiting for her at home.
I don't blame her anything, because this situation, also comes from the difference between our families and backgrounds. However, the way she dealt with the last few months left me feeling unease.
While she was dealing with the fact that I would be gone, she had already gone out to date and see other guys, if she was up straight to me, I would do my best to understand and can end things quickly, since I can go anytime. However, the fact that she was not clear and still hung on the feeling that I would still be home waiting for her while she went out to move on with her new life without me, because she knows that I still love her very much, despite we decided to part ways.
It was also a difficult situation, because I was moving from Finland to Australia for my Master study, and I did not plan to go early, since there were other things I could do during my last days in Finland, and we were still living together, sleeping on the same bed. The period went on from end of August, till the end of October, where she had finally decided to officially end our relationship by asking me to sleep in the other room as we lived in a 2-room apartment. It was fine as I understood her idea, and I was also wanted things cleared. However, I did not plan to go until mid December, until just one week after we slept separately, I was curious to understand her thought to try make things more comfortable between us during the last days, I decided to read through some of her messages with friends and found out she already started going out, seeing and dating other guys during that "unclear" period, and only after she had slept with a guy, that she decided to part things officially with me as I felt there were something wrong. The thing was, the day she slept with that guy, she still went back home and slept with me, and once I knew about the fact, I felt furious and disgusted in a way.
What even more wrong was when I confronted her about the truth, all she did was to avoid and deflect the issue or said that she didn't want to be harassed by my questions and eventually, she said she didn't have anything to say to me.
I know she is wrong, but thinking back the period we had, disregard the ending, we had such an amazing and lovely time together, and I loved as much as I could once I knew her background, and wanted to fill those missing pieces.
Only now, I know I need and should move on, because what she did, was not acceptable, especially since we are Asian, just that it is my first love, and I just could not stand the fact that someone I cherished so dearly during the last 3 year could do something like that to me, and when I left to Australia early than I expected, she said she still loved me as we did in the last 3 years.
I just could not believe now what is true or lie from her, as I still feel very much unsettling from the fact I shared a bed with someone who went out to sleep with another guy.
I talked a lot with my friends and received a lot of advices and how to cope with this situation. However, I would love to receive some comforting comments from people who may experienced the same situation, since I want to move on and do other things with my life.
