Hey, I am Robb Stark for the sake of this forum - as it is him and his values I very much look up to.
I would like to share my story with anyone willing to read it and also because I think it will be nice to just write down my thoughts.
At first I would like to introduce myself in short: I am 19 years old and living in Germany. I have just started my study in the field of computer sciences and really like doing judo, meeting friends and programming.
There are some stories about my past experience with girls I would like to share with you, some stranger than others when I think about it like that.
The first one would be about me in 8th grade; there was this one girl in class - let's call her Lisa - I thought was really pretty, inside just as much as out. I never had the courage to tell her that I liked her and some time later our ways parted.
The next one must have been in year 10, when I found myself in one German course with just girls beside me. It was really funny, especially since three of them were back then and are still good friends of mine.
But somehow it came to a point I recognized more romantic feelings for Suzanna. She had been in the same class for about three years now, for two or so we had been friends and suddenly I wanted more than that. As we were rather close already I didn't need that much courage to spend more time with her and I took the slow route as I wasn't even sure myself. It started with us (not everytime alone, but still) spending the lunchbreaks. There was this school theater event taking place and we all spent quite some time at school together. I don't really remember how it came to this - we decided to stay overnight and sleep on one sofa; one of the (best) teachers (I ever met) even teased us that we should stop cuddling and get back to work... Sometime later - or was it? - we were both invited to a common girl friend's party and spend the evening very close together, running off and laying on the ground in front of the church and sharing the sofa again. By then it was long clear to me she was not just a friend to me and I tried to show that to her. I gave flowers to her on my way to school as we walked together and tried to build enough courage to bluntly tell her how I felt. She came with me after a night of partying to stay overnight, we slept together outside on the trampoline during the rain after a friends party, but every time my insecurity won. Once I couldn't think of anything else I put together a little poem and printed it out. We were invited to her best friend's party and as she was going to leave on vacation the next day I planned to give the poem to her and ask her out. At the party I couldn't do it, but this time it was because she was so drunk that I didn't feel it to be appropriate. At the end, just before leaving, I gave it to her anyway and she had to keep in her tears. We sat down and she kissed me on the cheek before I had to go.
This was the last I heard from her for a very long time. She didn't text me back after that as she went to the carribean but didn't do it after she came back either. I couldn't reach in any way. Back in school she would spend her breaks away from me and our friends so as not to cross my way. Back then I still wanted to fight for her and not give up and so did I not recognize it would have been best to stop right then. I tried to get her to talk to me and I do not remember anymore how I did it at last, but there we were, sitting in her living room and I was finally - kind of freely - telling how I felt about her. She said that I was not more than a friend to her and that this cutting of all connections was meant to help me get over it. At least to me it didn't work too well, but still. Finally we talked for real. I was very glad about that, and came to the conclusion I still wanted to be her friend, I just needed some time.
It took me quite long to write all this down and I will save the rest for next time. You are very welcome to leave some comments about what you think I did wrong or maybe well.
Thanks to anybody reading up until this point.