Hello everyone! Keeping a journal is something new to me, but I've decided to give it a shot and of course as something to help improve myself and every aspect in my life. Now (quite) a bit about me.
I am a 22 year old 'recovering' Nice Guy. I've always been perceived as a Nice Guy. Now after reading numerous articles on dating, relationships, and self improvement, finding Nick's blogs on these topics, I understand a hell of a lot more of what the Nice Guy mentality is, and descriptions have fit me too well For the most part, I've been with very few women, and I still do have some approach anxieties. This stems from the low self esteem I had growing up. Into high school, I became more outgoing, started making more friends, and things were going really well. I was a pretty popular and likable guy. I just had such a huge fear when it came to girls. I didn't set a date with any girl in high school. I have the ovethinking and "what if" mentality with girls instead of just going with the flow. I can say I've become a pretty good-looking guy, I used to be fat, but now I have a very athletic build, and I'd say I'm pretty fun to be around. It's just my nervousness, overthinking and ultimately overdoing things with women that ultimately turns them off.
In college, I overcame (but not fully) some of those fears, asking a few women out, but only a few. We would hang out a few times, have a good time during, but usually things would go down south after a bit, and it's mainly because I start putting them into a pedestal and displayed very needy behaviors like a typical Nice Guy. When I start to like a girl, I start to REALLY like her. I came to every one of those situations thinking "She's the one!" And when it started going down south, I start overthinking, overtexting, and worrying. And this definitely can turn off women. I was left pretty heartbroken for each girl. They weren't even officially my girlfriends yet. Heading into 2014, I made a New Year's resolution that I would be more ambitious with girls. But I really didn't have any platform to start off. I didn't have the knowledge then that I am trying to learn now, so I made the resolution, but I didn't fully act upon doing it.
Around mid March, my high school friends and I went to my other friend's college for a visit because they had a big university wide party. A few other people were over as well, and there was this one girl who I originally didn't think too much about. She also went to my high school, had numerous mutual friends, and I hadn't seen her since I graduated. As the weekend progressed, we really hit it off. We laughed, sang, joked around together. We found to have very similar interests and I started to like her (uh oh). My friends even pushed me to go for it and ask her out, but my fear had came over me. A week later, after snap chatting a few times, she asked me to visit her at work and so I did, and she was thrilled and I got her number. This was when I wasn't thinking too much into her (which I should have stayed), and asked her out finally acting on my New Years Resolution. She's usually really busy with school and working long shifts at work, but she actually changed her schedule to go on the date with me. This was when I was thinking, wow she must be really interested. We went to see a play and had a great time. We were gonna go back to my place, but she had to go home for family reasons but asked if I was free tomorrow night to come over to my house. I said yes, and the next night we also had a blast and had quite a make-out session. We then planned to hang again Tuesday, and again the same fun things happened. We connected so well. I was on cloud 9. But I didn't realize I started using this girl as a huge source of my happiness, and then it came to a bad turn. We would snapchat everyday, and text every other few days to catch up, but after that, I hadn't seen her much, and every time since, when I had asked her to go on a date or hang out, she would say she's too busy. Totally different from before when she would work her time to fit mine. It was at this time it was mid April, and I was left confused. Her interest in me I knew was diminishing, and I didn't fully know why then. We didn't talk for about two weeks weeks after and then I texted her to see if she wanted to get together. She came up with the same excuses that she's busy and she didn't know where her life was going. So I told her whenever she's free again to let me know and that was that. Man was I really hurt. Again. But this one hurt a lot more than the previous ones. I put her on the highest pedestal. I just don't fully know where I went wrong. But I knew it is time to Walk Away and Move On. And I also knew it was time for a LEGITIMATE CHANGE IN MYSELF.
Since the end of April, I've been reading, watching, and learning things about dating, relationships and most importantly, myself. With summer starting, I wanna act on what I've learned. Of course I'm slowly but surely getting over this girl as well, but she pops into my mind every now and then. She also snapchats me as well, but I don't respond much. She seems to just try to keep in contact with me. So I'm finishing up "No More Mr. Nice Guy", and have read a lot of Nick's blog. I'm putting my foot down and it is time for a change! I'm heading into my last semester in college and I really want to make the most of it. I've started some goals to better myself and to get rid of the Nice Guy once and for all. I think of planning on doing weekly ones, but we'll see. I'm also studying for my MCAT and that can be a doozy. I've been focusing on improving myself a lot more since summer started (Mid May): Getting dressed better, improving eye contact, body language and all that. I've become more social with my friends, hanging out with them more, and just having fun. I've even started taking more chances with women! I've gotten quite a few numbers, and have gone out with a few of these girls. Nothing too serious, but I've been hanging out with a lot more women now. I knew I had this in me all along! But I just had to act upon it more, be more assertive, and take more chances. My self confidence around women is improving, and the people around me have noticed these changes. I'll admit I used to think getting a girlfriend is the end all be all, a self fulfilling prophecy, but there's definitely more to my life than that .
But for starters, I really want to fully know what I did wrong with the girl, so feel free to ask me questions about what happened. I want to understand my mistakes and improve on it. Also, if you would like to make some goals for me, I'd appreciate any input! Here's to a great summer and a new mindset for the rest of my life!
1. Better eye contact, body language
2. Saying hi to strangers and just have a conversation
3. Kill the MCAT!