[Im sorry this was so long but I find that writing helps me to clarify my thoughts.]
skip to the end for my question
Even to this day Im still having issues with social anxiety. I remember the dark times when I was so afraid to talk to girls that I could not even bring myself even consider attempting it. It felt as if there was as a actual wall between me and the girl and I was not able to take a single step in her direction. When a friend would tell me to go talk to a girl my legs immediately turned into lead and I would get so nervous that all i would want to do is run away in the opposite direction as fast as i can.
Nowadays ive made so much improvement and Im much more confident (albeit still a noob) with women. I would like to progress in my dating skills even more. Ive learned so much over the past few years. I have had many positive experiences in the last year alone. Ever since the day I wrote down a promise to myself that I would approach never again pass up another opportunity to approach an attractive girl, so much had changed. Ive gone on dates with, made out with, dated and had sex with more girls in the last 12 months than i have in my entire life before then combined.
I am so much better now than i was then and i have so much potential, ability and confidence but I cannot seem to progress as quickly as I could. It all comes back to my approach anxiety. Its really a killer.
Lately I can really approach any girl no problem. I can go up to her and talk to her, i can make her laugh and I can have decent conversation (although thats still one of my weaker areas) and 9/10 times I can get her number (what follows is another story). The point is I have experienced exactly what it takes to get over approach anxiety but still even now I struggle with it.
When I started I basically threw myself into it and i never looked back. A lot of my approaches were just horribly many times because I would just have no idea what to do next. I was 95% ballzy as fuck 5% blind monkey with very little game and not much finesse. sometimes it worked and i got dates but rarely with a girl who i would consider really my type and then even more rarely with much success.
I did learn and have gotten better over time and in that time i progressed faster than i ever have. Ive also made a ton of progress with my self improvement in life as a whole. My mind works differently now. I am much more confident and self assured. Im more mindful motivated and more at peace.
since the beginning of this year ive done some online dating and I dated a few women. I even got a little more serious with the last one that lasted for 2 months and just ended last week. I pretty much got over it immediately. Maybe Im a little more emotionally unavailable now but I guess that just comes with the territory.
Dating these girls have given me an opportunity to learn so much about women especially after meeting so many is such a short time. I need to meet even more so that I can progress faster. But its almost impossible to get to that point unless I get past the early stages.
The stages that kill me are the approach, attraction building, conversation. If I can get past that part I can usually handle myself for the most part. I cant learn one without getting past the other. And i cant learn any of them without getting past my approach anxiety.
Today I had at least 4 distinct fucking golden opportunities to approach and im a little ashamed to say I past them up. When I was seeing someone I had an excuse but not I realise i have no excuse anymore. Shit, once again, has gotten real. I feel the fear creeping in. I want to approach and i feel self being compelled to do it. I can feel myself wanting to talk to these girls. I feel myself on the edge of the precipice with one foot over the edge but I cannot get myself to lean into it and commit.
I have decided to just go back to the basic and start from the beginning except now I have more knowledge and experience than i did a year ago. All the time trying to keep my mantra at the front of my mind; confidence is knowing you can hack it and trying even when you cant.
my plan is to take a progressive approach. I wont got all in for the number like i use to do. That was helpful but it wasnt very conducive to learning the intricacies of attraction and communication
Now to the meat and potatoes of my question.
I would like someone to help me come up with some steps of progression than would help me to regain some of this confidence i have lost in my abilities to approach a random woman no matter where she is.
Im also really hesitant to approach when i know that there are people around me who can hear what we are saying
In the past I would go with direct approach 9/10 times but that often came off as creepy, awkward, sleezy, desperate and it really made me feel dirty sometimes afterwards. eg if im just walking down the street by myself and i see someone just standing or walking and im trying to talk to them and they wont even give me an inch.
That memory of how it fell when i seemed like the creepy guy really holds me back. its probably the main thing holding me back. I think this issue is the one to deal with above everything else
I guess I have to just let go of those memories and just be in the moment when I start talking to her. stop trying to remember all the tricks and steps. Get out of my own head. prepare before hand and learn from others
Id like to incorporate principles for great conversation and attraction building etc
I guess really just everything I need to work on for that successful approach. When my approach is good and the first interaction is good everything else gets is easy. I just need to get my foot in that door so to speak
[I feel like I could figure this out on my own but I really like the Idea of posting your ideas on a site and talking about them with like minded people who will take them seriously]
If you made it this far Thanks for reading